The Ultimate LOTR Fanfiction Butcher Story!
by Neku-Sama
Summary: Yep, this is the ultimate fic. Three girls' lives are completely thrown upside down, when they discovery a crazy past. This is what you get when two fangirls, and one anime crazed psychopath wirte a sotry together.
1. Default Chapter

The Ultimate Lord of the Rings Fanfiction / Butcher Story

**Created by: Neku-Sama, Savi-Sempai, and Vampi-Chan**

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Foreword

This story was created by me and my friends over three years ago. I've finally gotten down to typing this up, adn sharing it's insanity with the world.

So if you have the balls, or guts, or whatever it takes to read this story, I suggest you do it, but please pee before you do.

This story is insane, with hilarity all over the place.

Enjoy. And try not to expect anything, you may just end up disappointed.

On to the story..

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Chapter 1** : New Beginnings in a Different Culture**

"ASHLEY! Wake up! You got to go to work in an hour!" Kristen called from the other side of her sleeping friend's bedroom door.

"Then wake me up in an hour!" a tired voice, mumbled, just loud enough to be heard to Kristen.

"Come on! We just moved here. You got a new job. Do you really wanna be late on your first day?" Kristen tried a second time to wake her sleepy friend from her slumber.

"Fine! I'm up! Are you happy now?!" Ashley replied.

"Yes!"

"I HATE MOVING!!" Another scream pierced the warm, Californian air.

"We know Megs." said Ashley, emerging from her room, in her blue, star covered pajamas.

"I can't find the box!" she exclaimed, rummaging through the ocean of brown cardboard that was the living room.

"What box?" asked Kristen, beginning her futile attempt at helping the enrage punk girl.

"My ties are in it......It has packing tape on it....and it's made of brown cardboard." she explained, not stopping her effort for one second.

"Oh like that won't be a difficult thing to find." Ashley said sarchastically, examining that every box in the room fit the description, "You just described every damn box in the room, you fool."

"Would it possibly be the one marked 'Megs' Ties. Touch and Die'?" Kristen asked, holding a particularly small box above her head.

"Yes, thanks Kristen." Megs grabbed the box, shooting her tongue out mockingly at Ashley, before she pulled the tape off, and dove her hands into the box searching for her favorite grim reaper tie.

"One minute yound and innocent. Next, young and punky. What happened?" Kristen said, with a laugh, questioning her friend's appearance.

"Life happened." she stated simply, slipping the tie around her neck.

"Yeah. I still can't figure out how life brought us here, to California. One minute we're graduating from High School, next minute we're flying to the United States, trying to trade the old for the new." Ashley stated, reminiscing about the last few years.

"It only seems like yesterday, that we were hanging out in front of our lockers, talking and laughing." Kristen said, smiling.

"Those were the days." Ashley said.

"I would love to stay and chat, but I must get going to work now. It's my duty." Megs said, with a forced mocking tone.

"Me too!" Kristen said, excitedly, shoving her shoes on and rushing out the door, leaving Ashley standing in the living room alone.

"Bookstore...I get to work in a goddamned bookstore!" Ashley grumbled, as she slipped her boots up, and fixed them around her claves comfortably.


	2. OOoooo Shiny! Pretty Necklace!

Chapter Two : **OOoooo Shiny! Pretty Necklace!**

"Work, work! La, la, la!" Kristen sang happily, "I hope Megs and Ashley have as fun of a day as meeeee!"

Kristen was on her way to work, she worked at a toy store, but nothing would prepare her for what happen this day.

She was walking to work, when suddenly, she saw something on the ground. she picked it up. "Hmm this is pretty. I think I'll keep it!" she said as she glanced at her watch, "OH CRAP! I'M LATE ..... GOTTA RUN, GOTTA RUN, GOTTA RUN!"

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Back at the apartment, Ashley was just leaving the house in a mad rush. She opened the door, with a poptart in her mouth, and banged into someone. She fell to the ground, and wiped her face which was covered with the pastry's stick center, "OWWWW! GOD DAMN IT! WATCH WHERE YOU'RE GOING, IDIOT!" she screamed, furiously. 

"Oh, I'm so sorry..." a calm voice said, "I hope you're not hurt."

"Weeeellllllll..." she said slowly, opening her eyes, and staring upm "Hey! You're Elijah Wood!"

"Well...yeah, I am." he said, a little uncomfortably.

"Cool! You movin' in or somethin'?" she asked.

"Yep, me and my pal. I'm sure we'll be good neighbors."

"Yeah sure, well I gotta go to work." she said, standing up she looked behind her, and waved to Elijah and beggan to dash off again.

"No problem, you can meet my roommate later."

"Yeah, ok, byeee!" she called back, then fell down the stairs, "I'm ok!" she called again.

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Megan was driving to work, when she saw Blink182! 

"Hey guys, how's it going?" she called out.

"Hey! It's Megan!" Travis yelled. You rock Megan!"

"Thanks guys!" she said chipperly, as she glanced and noticed the traffic light had turned green, "Oh! I gotta go. call yah later!"

"Sure! Byee" all three called out, as she drove off.

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Back at the toy store, Kristen was puzzling over the necklace she had found. 

"Hey Kristen." her boss said, as he approached her.

"Yeah?" she asked, warily.

"You can take the rest of the day off, since you work soooooooo hard!" he said.

"Thanks!" she said happily, as she ran out of the store, and began her way home.

She was walking home, when suddenly the necklace began to glow, "That's funny," she looked around, and noticed she was standing in fron tof a library, "Maybe ... I should go in ..." she said cautiously, entering the large building.

The necklace began to glow brighter and brighter.

"This is impossible!" she exclaimed. She stopped in front of a shelf, it was old and dusty. A book fell from the shelf, and smacked her square on the head then fell to the floor, "Owwwy!" she cried. She bent over, to pick it up, sneezing as a result of the dust it kicked up, in its fall. "What is this?" she quizzed, as she examined the strange book. The necklace without warning flew from Kristen's hand and lodged itself into a hole, that the book had on it. It opened.

"It must have been some sort of key!" she said, mystified.

"This book is real old!" she read the name of the book, on the inside cover, " 'Old Magicks and Spells' .................... COOL! I CAN BECOME A SORCERY GENUIS JUST LIKE LINA INVERSE! I'll take it!" she cried, "Just you wait! I'll learn all the spells, even... the DRAGON SLAVE! Ashley and Megan have got to see this thing! HAHA!" she laughed merrily, as she proceeded to bound home, to show her friends her discovery.


	3. Good Intentions Gone Wrong

Chapter 3: **Good Intentions Gone Wrong**

"Man! Megan's not going to like te idea of him having a girlfriend or whatever...Where is she anyways?!" Ashley said, impatiently, looking from side to side for her friend's black Cadillac. She waited patiently, intil she saw a black car, with tinted windows move around he corner, and come to a stop next to her. She opened the door, swiftly, and sat down, closing the door behind her in a rish.

Almost completely in sync, the two girls said, "You'll never guess who I saw today!?"

"You go first." Ashley said, politely.

"I saw Blink today," she said, in her high-pitched squeel.

"What type of eyebrows did Travis wear today?" dhe asked, jokingly.

Megan giggled a little, "And Tom says "Hi, Ashley"," she finished, her voice turning into a dreamy mock.

"He did not!" Ashley exclaimed, childishly.

"Anyway, who did you see today, Ashley?" Megs asked, beginning to drive the car towards their apartment house, a suspicous tone in her voice.

"Ok," she started, shifting her body to face Megs a bit more, "I was rushing down the stairs, putting on my jacket..."

Megan cut her off, abruptly, "I didn't ask for your life sotry, man..."

"I was getting there!" Ashley began again, "Anyways, as I was saying... I was puting my jacket oooooon, then this dude rams into me and I'm like 'Ow! damnit! watch where you're going, idiot!' and he's all like 'Oh, sorry' and then I look up and BAM icy blue eyes staring right at me. But I probably shouldn't be telling you this..."

"Why?!" asked Megs, pulling into their driveway.

"Because it was Elijah Wood..." she said quietly, bracing herself for what she knew ws coming.

"WHY THE HELL DIDN'T YOU JUST SAY SO?!" she screamed, flailing her arms.

" 'Coz he's got a girlfriend...or at least I think that's what he said..." she said, thinking back on her conversation that morning, :I can't really remember 'coz I fell down teh stairs after that..."

"Anyways, let's get in their! We gotta unpack, and make the house look neat. What if he comes over and Kristen answers the door?!" Emgs said, horrified, "She'll scare him away!"

Quickly, Megs ran from the car and towards the house, leaving Ashley in the car, staring blankly at where her friend ran off, "Whatever you're on Megs, cut it back...geez....psychopath." she said, getting up from the car, and making her way towards the house casually.

Back Home

"Don't worry...Be happy." Kristen sang, while sitting in front of her little singing toy bass fish. "I should set you free, fishy." she said, reaching for her spell book. She flipped to the index and read down the list, "Dragon Slave .... Freaky Fungus .... Forging Rings of Power .... How to Release a Fish From a Board. That's what I need!"

Kristen flipped to the page, quickly, and began to recite the incantation, "Fishy, fishy on your wood, swin away, like I know you should!"

Smoke began to rise from the fish, wires started flying every which way and the wood ruptured into flames.

"Fishy! I thought you were real!" she picked up the half melted fish, and dropped it into the garbage. "Well, I guess in a way I have set you free..Oh well..." Kristen pouted, returning to her unpacking.

A few moments later,Megs ran into the house in a panic, followed, a few moment later,by a calm Ashley.

"Where is he?! What the hell did you do to him?!" Megs cried, then noticing the smoking fish in the garbage, "you turned him into a fish! DAMMIT KRITEN! How the hell did you turn Elijah Wood into a FISH?!" she screamed, trying to hold back from seriously hurting her friend.

"Elijah? That's fishy!" Kristen said, turning to Ashley, "What has she been smokin' today?" she whispered to Ashley, who was still trying to figure out what MEgs was ranting about.

"I don't really know. Somethin' cheap, I guess." she replied, tripping over Kristen's book, "AHHHHH! OW....WHY IS THIS HUGE FAAKING BOOK IN THE MIDDLE OF THE FLOOR?!"

"It's my spell book. I got it today after I found this really pretty necklace." Kristen said, holding up the necklace around her neck, marvelling in its shininess once more.

"Spells ... Book .... Necklace ... ? Whaaaaaaaa? I'm missing something here," Megs said, in a calmer demeanor, walking into the living room.

"Brain .. hurt .. too .. much .... info ..." Ashley said, sitting down, and trying to process her thoughts clearly.

"I'll tell yah about it at supper. It's a long story.... Well.. not really. But I just wanted to say that to feel important." Krsiten said, with blank, unbelieving stares from Ashley and Megs.


End file.
